We Want to Kill You. Die

“We want to kill you,” I told the gnat as it circled the apple cider vinegar trap.  “Die,” I ordered it point-blank.  I wish I had telekinesis like one of my characters, Jesse Sosperita, so I could force it to do my bidding.  I would round up every last gnat in my house and obliterate them to smithereens!

I noticed this gnat as I was making my breakfast this afternoon.  (1:30 in the afternoon is when all breakfasts should really start.)  It was exciting to watch the trap the work, to see its bittersweet powers in action.  But clearly it wasn’t powerful enough because the little nuisance, so small that it slips through my fingers when I try to smash it, retreated.

This unfortunate gnat infestation began several days ago.  They were small in numbers back then, so we attributed their population to opening the doors too often to let the dog in and out.  Lucy, the dog, is the queen of the backyard, so she takes her time deciding whether she wants to go outside or not, allowing a jungle to enter the premises. 

Over the course of several days, the gnat population swelled to the point where their presence was felt everywhere.  They would swarm our food during dinner, follow us to bed, and watch us in the bathrooms.  I can’t attest to how many bugs I’ve killed with my hands or with my stomach, and frankly, I don’t want to know.

WikiHow has been a great help in this crisis.  I’m not paid by them to say this; I’m just giving credit where it’s due.  The apple cider vinegar traps we set came from their website, and so far, we have collected enough carcasses to fill a small morgue.  They are attracted to the sweet scent of the apple cider, and the liquid, which makes their wings sticky, prevents the creatures from flying away.  And they drown.  And we are happy.

Mother has not been complaining as much about bug bites, and I think my breakfast is bug-free.  With the traps and another dog in the house, we should be able to decimate every last pest that dares fly into my house. 

We are ruthless, and we will never give in to invasion, no matter how small the invaders.


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